Dynamics of internet dating
the fall of 1964, on a visit to the World’s Fair, in Queens, Lewis Altfest, a twenty-five-year-old accountant, came upon an open-air display called the Parker Pen Pavilion, where a giant computer clicked and whirred at the job of selecting foreign pen pals for curious pavilion visitors.
Given our fast-paced technological times, online dating is perhaps the most popular avenue for finding a mate.
I've found it to be prominent in dating sites around the world. While all romance starts with a p-d dynamic, online dating usually begins with a great deal more distance.
You pursue someone or they pursue you, but you each do it from afar and through a "machine." You're "somewhere in the swamps of Jersey" as The Boss sang, and he may be in New York or for some inexplicable reason: Idaho.
As a result, they stick their toes in the water so-to-speak, only to pull back when things close in for fear of being re-obliterated: "When the going gets tough, the tough run for the hills." Many of the "never married" over 40 (and those who have never been in a long-term relationship) seem to have a wide array of techniques at their disposal to help them to avoid commitment. It may mean that the man you're interested in likes unattractive women, or sociopaths, or who knows what?
In some cases their need for control contradicts intimacy. If you're going to date online you must be a grown-up and accept the fact that you'll be rejected more often than not. If someone doesn't contact you in a timely fashion or never responds, that's usually a "no" also. If they contact you sporadically they're most likely trying to engage you in a p-d dynamic.
Those shocked the most have had wonderful dates just prior to a disappearing act.
It's just too easy for people to start something they can't, or won't finish, and to use the anonymity that these sites provide to "hit and run." I know this dynamic occurs in all forms of dating, but modern technology has made it all the more common.
Unfortunately, some pursuers cross the line and actually harass or stalk their distancing counterparts—a scary dynamic that women are more prone to experiencing—although this did happen to a male I know.
Intimacy isn't all about sex, but emotional closeness breeds physical closeness in long-term, healthy relationships. If you didn't learn it in your family of origin you'll be more prone to becoming engaged in a chronic p-d dynamic as an adult.
Many of the people on these sites have also been traumatized by a previous relationship.